They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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