you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
