you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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