I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
