In the future we'll all be gay
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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