fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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