Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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