I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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