you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
