Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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