Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
