I think im going to throw up on grandma
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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