Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
