I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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