I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Drunk is a universal language darling
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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