Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
A bitchslap is in order.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
