Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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