he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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