whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize