I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
