HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
