I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
