Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
