spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
