Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
