You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
