my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
