If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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