and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
