I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
