she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
