Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
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