I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
