My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
