One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
