I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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