You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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