walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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