Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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