just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
