I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just had sex bonerless
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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