The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
