Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
