I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
