look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
