I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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