we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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