she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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