He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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