If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
