I puked a lego.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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