i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
