I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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