you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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