We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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