i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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