i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
operation have a gay friend backfired
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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