I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I party with great urgency now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
