not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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