How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize