first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
