I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
