Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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