even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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