Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
