discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
