do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Thatβs all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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