Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
