You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
