i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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