this beer tastes like vomit already
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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